READERS’ STORIES: A Yorkshire Abduction

Gary had initially felt extremely annoyed when he had been abducted by aliens – it had totally disrupted his evening plans. He had missed countdown; his fish and chips were cold by the time he returned and they’d whisked him away before he had had chance to turn down the central heating. Whilst he was strapped to a silver table with large eyed creatures examining him, he had been fretting about how much his gas bill was creeping up. It was enough to make a man curse.

Now though, he was back at home, looking at the new marks on his body and wondering if he could play this to his advantage. He had been waiting for months for an operation on one of his kidneys. The NHS was great, but it moved at a glacial pace and the cost of going private made the process of paying the bill more painful than the medical issue itself. With the technology those aliens had displayed, with more lasers than a New Year’s Eve disco, Gary had started to think of an idea.

Gary gave the matter some thought for a few days, then decided it would be for the best to get abducted again, it would be a way to jump the queue for his operation. He was also quite curious about their gadgets. Before he retired, Gary had been an engineer. He had been great at tinkering with things and inventing new gizmos before finally specialising in submarines. He was jealous of today’s workforce who got to work with technology beyond the wildest dreams of his generation. Gary continued learning other languages, did a lot of quiz shows and cryptic crosswords to keep his mind sharp – he wanted to be ready if he ever had the chance to help science again. He found retirement rather boring and was looking forward to getting his teeth stuck into a project. He never would have guessed it would be attempting to track aliens to get abducted and ask to be operated on – but you had to adapt to what life threw at you.

ON THE TWELFTH NIGHT GARY STRUCK GOLD WHEN HE FELT A HUMMING IN THE SKY AND A LARGE, SILVER DISC APPEARED

So Gary ventured into a totally unfamiliar area of the internet and library – all about UFOS and alien abductions. Some descriptions of the crafts were interesting, and Gary had to admit what he had witnessed showed the stereotype had arisen from truth. The issue was that most of the people sharing their abduction experiences appeared to be a sandwich short of a picnic.

How they were allowed out unsupervised in a civilised society astounded him. He had either been a fluke, and the aliens were clever enough to know not to target credible victims so they could carry on using humans as guinea pigs with everyone dismissing the targets with a roll of the eyes – or there were a lot of other people who had been probed not coming forward for fear of looking like a looney. Gary soaked up everything he could, reading everything he was able to get his hands on. There did seem to be a spate of bizarre happenings occurring round Yorkshire at the moment – to sheep as well as people. Gary wondered if the aliens focused on certain areas and it was just their turn? Or if the aliens had realised they had superior stock with Yorkshire folk – his chest swelling with pride.

Most of the livestock disruption seemed to be high up on the hills late evening – so Gary started camping out, hoping to spot his abductors once more and so he could ask them to laser his kidney. He had prepared a diagram – labelled in various languages and braille to describe what he was after. The nights in a tent were not doing his old body – and struggling kidney – much good. They were keeping his mind active though and Gary loved the thrill of a challenging research project, as well as saving on his heating bill by not being home.

On the twelfth night Gary struck gold when he felt a humming in the sky and a large, silver disc appeared. It was just a silhouette initially; it became brighter as the lights flicked on and the yellow beam focused on a startled sheep. Gary rushed out, waving his arms to get their attention and proffering his diagram asking for help up at the ship. The ship initially jolted back at his appearance, before hovering, seemingly considering him. Whatever evaluation they were doing, Gary apparently passed as he was suddenly engulfed in a bright light and beamed aboard. It was a much more pleasing experience when you were expecting it and not having your evening interrupted. The beings were tall, lanky, had four arms as well as the usual two legs and their skin was a pale green. Sometime appearing translucent when various lights flashed over it. Other times shimmering like they were coated in magnesium. Gary had read up on the first interaction with tribes who had never encountered other humans before as preparation – he was always fully prepared for a project and researched every angle. He approached the men (or women – there were no obvious gender indications) with the large, black and blue eyes with purple irises in as unconfrontational a manner as possible and proffered his piece of paper.

THE ALIENS DEVELOPED A TASTE FOR TEA

One of the aliens snatched it out of his hand with a tug of air and studied it. He looked back up at Gary and nodded. They had had chance to study people for a while and obviously knew a few gestures and their meanings, so Gary offered the aliens a thumbs up and lay down to let them operate on his kidney. Their version of anaesthetic was the best he had ever experienced and he felt he was flying through candy floss clouds before coming round. He had brought some parkin gingerbread to gift as a thank you and dug it out of his coat pocket to offer to the aliens. An unlikely alliance between a group of exploring aliens from a far-flung galaxy and a knowledgeable and fearless Yorkshireman was formed.

The scout group of aliens far surpassed their colleagues when it came to relaying back information on Earth and humans to their overlords – they had an inside man helping them. Together Gary and the aliens created a modern version of the Rosetta Stone as they learnt each other’s languages. Gary was hired on a freelance basis to work in a new research lab and got to work with all the latest equipment he had feared he would miss out on. His colleagues soon realised what an asset Gary was, he had visions of how to improve their tech beyond what they could fathom. It was as if he had seen the future. Gary’s home life improved too, as he was gifted some advanced tech from his new alien friends that made his house the most energy efficient on Earth.

The aliens developed a taste for tea and their understanding of humans came on leaps and bounds. They also replaced Gary’s knee for him when he needed it – saving him from the hospital waiting list once more. It was an unlikely alliance that turned into a true friendship. So, if you are ever walking in an area that has had a high reportage of alien sightings – don’t fret. Just keep a diagram of your ailments in one pocket and a piece of gingerbread in your other and you can turn it to your advantage!

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NorthernLife Sept/Oct 22