POETRY: Marital Mayhem

By Sharon Wadsley

Happy, happy wedding day!
Well, I just can‘t decide,
Could anyone look worse here
Than the mother of the bride?
Those shoes look bargain basement,
And the bag cost even less,
And did she check the mirror
When she first tried on that dress?

Happy, happy wedding day,
Where DID she get the hat?
The best man looks half-cut
And, well, the groom just seems a prat.
All hair gel, and unshaven,
I can’t understand that style,
His mother looks formidable:
She hasn’t cracked a smile.

Happy, happy wedding day,
The bridesmaid let it down:
Her stomach, and her hips,
Will be the ruin of that gown.
All wrinkled up, and grubby,
And it’s bursting at the seams,
She always missed a fitting
Eating all the custard creams…

Happy, happy wedding day,
The page boy’s running round.
It won’t be long before he falls
And crashes to the ground.
The speeches took forever,
Oh, it was an awful bore.
An Aunt has been asleep awhile,
And she’s begun to snore.

Oh, happy, happy wedding day,
How much more can I take?
My dress is quite uncomfortable,
These shoes were a mistake.
Perhaps the whole thing is,
Can you forgive, this huge deride?
For sadly, dearest listener,
In this mess….I am THE BRIDE.