Helping Children Cope with Loss

When a child experiences loss, they don’t just need answers — they need love, patience, and understanding. These ten gentle ideas will help you comfort and support a grieving child while giving them space to heal at their own pace.

1. Use simple, honest words

When someone dies, it’s tempting to soften the language—saying someone “passed on” or “went to sleep.” But young children often take words literally, and phrases like these can be confusing or even frightening. If a pet is said to have “gone to sleep,” a child might begin to fear bedtime.

Paul Parsons, Head of Clinical at Winston’s Wish explains: “It can be really tricky as adults to talk openly and honestly when a child is bereaved but it’s essential that we use age-appropriate but clear language. Don’t shy away from talking about it or worry that you’re going to make it worse.

“Offer comfort with hugs, patience, and gentle reassurance.”

“Younger children may be very confused about what is happening or they may have fears or worries that they don’t know how to communicate to you. Offering a space to talk to them regularly will help them to be able to share what they are feeling.”

Being honest helps children understand what’s really happened, without leaving them to fill in the blanks with their imagination.

2. Keep it simple

Children process things differently depending on their age and stage of development. Too much detail can feel overwhelming. Start with the basics: ‘Grandma died. That means her body stopped working and we won’t see her anymore.’ Let your child guide the conversation by asking questions. This way, they can take in information at their own pace, rather than being overwhelmed all at once.

3. Allow them to grieve in their own way

We all grieve differently. Some adults stay busy, others need quiet time. Children are no different. One minute they may be crying, the next they’re laughing and running around the garden. It doesn’t mean they don’t care – it just means their minds and hearts process grief in bursts. Give them permission to feel whatever comes up. Let them know it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or confused. Offer comfort with hugs, patience, and gentle reassurance.

When a child experiences loss, they don’t just need answers — they need love, patience, and understanding. These ten gentle ideas will help you comfort and support a grieving child while giving them space to heal at their own pace.

4. Encourage play and creativity

Not every child wants, or is able, to talk about their feelings directly. Play can be a safe way for them to express what’s going on inside.

You might suggest drawing a picture of the person who died, writing a letter to them, creating a memory box, or even acting things out with toys. Children make sense of the world through play. When words feel too big, creativity can provide a softer outlet for grief.

5. Keep routines where possible

Loss can make the world feel unstable. That’s why routines are so important. Bedtimes, school runs, and mealtimes may seem small, but they provide a sense of security. Of course, flexibility is necessary—some days will be harder than others—but keeping familiar rhythms helps children know that life, though changed, still has structure.

“Children learn from what we model. If they see you allowing yourself to feel, they’ll learn it’s okay for them to do the same.”

“Trying to keep to a routine as much as possible can be really helpful,” Paul says. “The death of a parent can turn a child’s life upside down, but they can often find comfort in routine and structure. Try to maintain a sense of normalcy by sticking to regular routines that they are used to and over time develop new normal.

6. Show your own emotions

Many adults worry about crying in front of children, fearing it will scare them. But seeing you shed tears, or hearing you say “I miss Grandma too,” can actually reassure them. It shows that grief is natural and that feelings are safe to share. Children learn from what we model. If they see you allowing yourself to feel, they’ll learn it’s okay for them to do the same.

7. Share memories and create rituals

Talking about the person who died doesn’t make things worse—it helps keep their memory alive. You might bring out a photo album when your child mentions them, share funny stories at dinner, or light a candle on birthdays and anniversaries.

These rituals reassure children that while someone is gone physically, the love and memories remain. It gives them something to hold onto.

8. Answer questions

Children often ask the same question over and over: “Where is Grandad?” or “When is the dog coming back?” This repetition doesn’t mean you explained it poorly—it’s simply their way of making sense of something so big.

Older children may want more detail but might not know how to ask. You could gently check: “Do you want me to tell you about what happened?” Let them set the pace, and remind them they can come back with questions whenever they need.

9. Don’t overlook the loss of pets

For many children, the death of a pet is their first encounter with grief. To them, the loss can feel just as painful as losing a person. Holding a small farewell ceremony, drawing pictures, or talking about happy memories can help them honour the bond. It also shows them that their grief matters.

10. Seek extra support if needed

Most children, with time and support, will find their own way through grief. But if you notice ongoing withdrawal, nightmares, aggression, overwhelming guilt, or changes iin sleep and appetite, it may be a sign they need extra help. Counsellors, teachers, or grief specialists can provide a safe space for children to share feelings they might not express at home.

Grief is not about ‘getting over it.’ It’s about learning to live with the loss while carrying forward the love and memories. As adults, we can’t take away children’s sadness, but we can walk alongside them – listening, comforting, and reminding them they’re not alone.

For further advice about how to support a child or young person who is grieving the death of somebody, Winston’s Wish advice hub or call Winston’s Wish team on 08088 020 021 (8 am-8 pm, weekdays), email on ask@winstonswish.org

NorthernLife Family Winter 25