How to make this the best Valentine’s Day ever… regardless of your relationship status

by Northern Life

Dr Tony Ortega

Dr Ortega is declaring an end to this cycle of following the latest self-help movement in an attempt to be your ‘Best You’, by sharing his simple, effective, and no-nonsense approach to true self-wellness and healing. By withdrawing power and attention away from the gurus, and returning true empowerment and loving energy toward the individual, Dr Ortega is drawing a spiritual line in the sand against inauthentic leaders and vacuous self-help movements. He outlines ways the reader can find their own voice, create their own truth, and live their very best life out loud. STFU demonstrates how YOU can be the guru, the healer, the hero, the saviour of your own life. It lovingly but firmly places YOU as the expert of your own healing and wellness. By doing so, Dr Ortega creates real possibilities for change, growth, pleasure, and peace.” — Damon L. Jacobs, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author of “Absolutely Should-less” and “Rational Relating.”

Here are some of Dr Tony’s top tips to make Valentine’s Day 2020 your best yet (the quotes are taken directly from his upcoming book #AreYouHereYet):

Stay in the moment before, during and after Valentine’s Day: “What we do needs to reflect who we really want to be, not what society wants us to be.”

Stop asking the infernal question, ‘what if?’ and shift it to ‘what now?’. Stop yourself from trying to control what everything is going to look like 24/7. For example, if you spend time wondering what might happen on Valentine’s Day if you don’t get a card, or you’re not invited on that date, or you see your ex online with his new partner, it won’t change the outcome. But if you think, ‘what can I do now?’ then you can consider what you could do on Valentine’s Day that will make you feel more at ease.

Own it if you are struggling. “Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you’re feeling unhappy/worried/angry/sad. Own it as much as you can, but don’t stay in it. The difference is in shrugging your shoulders and saying to yourself, ‘Yeah, this really sucks.” Don’t judge that feeling because you don’t want to bypass your feelings with self-empowerment mumbo-jumbo. Own it. Now that’s fierce. However, follow that up by considering what could work for you next time. You can also acknowledge that it would be nicer if it looked like another way. It’s okay to daydream and get in the feeling of what you would rather have instead of this. Today is not forever. This moment will pass.”

If you’re single, remember, “Relationships are meant to complement your life, not complete your life.”

If you’re in a relationship, remember, “Add more friendships into your romance and more romance into your friendships. No, I’m not suggesting you have sex with your friends. I am saying that by adding more romance to your friendships, we elevate them to a level at which they are as important as romantic partners, taking the pressure off our partners (or the need to have one to live life more fully and completely). Conversely, by adding more friendship into our relationships, we then have more fun with the whole concept of intimacy and it makes it so much less scary. I say this as aren’t we usually more scared of a romantic breakup than a friend breakup?”