“I think it changes your life, but it changes your life for the better.”

Phil and Andy, based in North England, have adopted siblings through Barnardo’s and experienced many changes in their lives, “but it changes your life for the better.”

Families come in all shapes and sizes, and they can be created through many routes, but for Phil and Andy, adoption was always an option.

“We did talk about surrogacy, but actually, we didn’t look into it much as biology doesn’t matter to us. I think we both understood that children with stability and routine can form attachments, and that was what was more important, the process, as opposed to the fact of biology, and it just seemed natural.”

Their journey began in 2019 when they reached out to Barnardo’s to enquire about adoption.

“From walking through the door and seeing a social worker on our very first meeting with Barnardos, it was very relaxed, informal and really informative.  They told us everything we sort of needed to know at that point and then things just progressed from there and the relationship with our social worker. We still keep in touch as we are always made to feel welcomed every time we visited.”

“We still keep in touch as we are always made to feel welcomed every time we visited.”

Throughout the adoption process, Barnardo’s offers training and is with you every step of the way.

“I think during the process, for the training, we were put in a bit of a group, so it was always the same adopters that we were seeing, so we were going through the journey together, and we were creating our own sort of support network.

“You can sometimes feel a little bit isolated, but then during the process, when you start doing the training and meeting other people, you find out that everyone has different circumstances and motivations for wanting to adopt, which is really good. We were the only same-sex couple in there, but we still were made to feel welcome with everybody. I suppose in one sense, I don’t know why I thought we would have a problem, but I guess that might be something at the back of your mind but honestly, we never did.

“The training bits were imperative in supporting us through the journey, getting us to think more about our own journey and what challenges children in care face and how you approach them. Just having that constant connection, we haven’t used the 24/7 phone line, but knowing that is always there.”

When first starting the process. Phil and Andy were not thinking about sibling groups but, through the process, decided this was an option for them.

“I think having that biological family sibling connection, everything they are going through and gone through, they have gone through together.

“That bond that siblings have is so so important, and there are a lot of siblings within the care system, so for us taking siblings, you can never replace what they share with each other.”

Adoption helps create forever homes for children and helps to create forever families.

“It provides them with stability, routine and a safe environment; it doesn’t just change our lives, it changes our family’s life.

“I would say personally you just take a different perspective on life things that were a priority before, like work – I did a lot of voluntary work, now that isn’t a priority – the kids become your number 1 in every aspect.”

Now four years on Phil and Andy and their two children are enjoying life as a family, knowing that they have support from Barnardo’s if they ever need it.

“Post-adoption, years after we have reached out to our social worker to discuss some of our challenges and we then managed to get additional support through the adoption support fund like support with theraplay and assessments, I don’t think that would have happened without reaching out to Barnardo’s first to understand what is available.

“Every single night we are somewhere with them, I think that’s what I get the enjoyment out of the most, what they are interested in. They do have similar interests, but now, as they get older, they are finding different ones, like horse riding and football, so it’s nice to see their development as well as individuals.

“Seeing them develop and expand their interests and progress in the things that they enjoy and love, you do get so much joy out of that, you really do.”

Final notes from Phil and Andy.

“I am really in favour of adoption being the number one for people to consider. I think everyone has their own reasons for pursuing different family routes, but I think for me, adoption has supported so many children who need forever families, and I think particularly LGBT couples are in a prime position to hopefully support as many children as possible.”

Barnardo’s need more incredible people like Andy and Phil to help provide more children and young people with a place they can call home. With more than 100 years of experience at finding children forever families, we use our expertise as the UK’s largest voluntary adoption agency to provide a tailored service, matching children with the right adoptive families while our friendly and expert team support our parents and are with them all every step of the way.

Barnardo’s need more incredible people like Andy and Phil to help provide more children and young people with a place they can call home.

Whether you’re single or married, whatever your age, ethnicity, religion, culture, background or gender, a homeowner or renting, straight, lesbian, gay, trans or bisexual, if you are over 21 and have room in your heart and home, you may be eligible to adopt.

To find out more about fostering and adoption through Barnardo’s, and how we are supporting LGBTQ+ Fostering and Adoption Awareness Week click HERE.

*Names have been changed