A ‘Knight’ to remember

Neil Entwistle, Houghton

Let me tell you an old fashioned story
A Lancashire tale through and through
And although there are some who would doubt it
I’m inclined to believe that it’s true

Sixteen seventeen was the year
King James the First was on’t throne
He’d invited himself down to Hoghton
To the Tower that Sir Richard called home

To have the King stay was an honour
And Sir Richard was out to impress
So he rode out to Preston to meet him
But the King had brought 100 guests

Back in Hoghton with everyone waiting
And the minstrels no doubt in good song
They’d laid a red carpet down’t driveway
And it must have been half a mile long

The King left no comment on’t carpet
Given cost, t’were a bit of a shame
But Sir Richard was no doubt now hoping
Kings’ horses would do just the same

The group made their way up t’ Tower
It had been a long day but of course
And the King went to check out his bedroom
But forgot to get down off his horse

The hooves left their mark on the staircase
What a way for the King to arrive
And Sir Richard was no doubt regretting
His expense to red-carpet the drive

But you can’t hold a grudge when you’re hosting
They were all there to have a good time
So Sir Richard suggested a ‘knees-up’
In the Banqueting Hall around nine

There was eating and drinking a plenty
When the King took his sword from its sheath
But before you could say ‘slice it thinly’
He’d knighted the huge loin of beef

The guests all looked on in amazement
But the King was now in for a wait
For a Knight should arise when instructed
But the beef stayed sat down on its plate

More partying followed through’t weekend
As the 100 guests took their fill
Then in true aristocracy fashion
They left, leaving Richard wi’t bill

The King took his leave on the Monday
True the Tower had a tall tale to tell
But wi’ bankruptcy looming for Richard
The Kings’ visit hadn’t turned out so well

Still, it’s nice to know steaks we call ‘sirloin’
Weren’t derived from the Latin or Greek
But were named at a Lancashire ‘knees-up’
That lasted best part of a week