Whimsical Tales of the Timber Yard

He’s back with another story of yesteryear. In 1969, after his resignation at a clothing factory, Geoff began his first day at John Riddiough and Co. He paints a loving picture of the brilliant characters he worked alongside over the years at the timber yard. From Colne’s first teddy boy to trouble making rascals and larger than life characters.

BOB AND THE MAJOR

“On the same day I started, Bob Thompson started too. He was one of the first teddy boys around Colne with his quiff, he would wear drape suits and creepers, he could dance and bop. He worked on the waltzers at the fairground,” says Geoff. “Bob came as a timber stacker on the same hot morning as me. By 11am, poof, he was out.”

It was a scorching day, Bob had knocked on the door of Major Riddiough, the boss of the company, “He was quite frightening,” grins Geoff. “Bob cheekily asked if he could have a sub on his wage for a box of beer as it was too hot outside. He finished him right there, his job only lasted three hours, poor bloke. He shouldn’t have asked for beer; he should have asked for water!” laughs Geoff. That was the very short-lived story of Bob’s timber yard career.

KEN McDERMOTT – JOKER

Another lively character Geoff remembers well was Ken McDermott, the yard foreman. “Great joker, the funniest bloke on earth,” recalls Geoff. “Timber was everywhere in the yard, if a new starter came, he’d grab a pair of Wellingtons and find a stack of timber and put the boots underneath. He’d shout, “Quick come here! Someone’s trapped, lift him up!” Just for a few seconds, they believed it was real, their faces were a sight!

“We used to get cedar wood from Canada and giant hornets would hide in them and fly out. They were frightening, three inches long! A pal of mine got stung by one and he was off work for three weeks as his arm swelled up like a huge balloon. Sometimes, Ken would

catch them and put them in the canteen and lock somebody in with them. It was terrifying.” Ken’s practical jokes were well known of all through the timber yard. He once had had a huge fall out with Major Riddiough and decided that he would make everyone working, sign out and shut the huge gates for the yard. He wrote a sign and it read ‘Gone fishing.’” What a load of pollocks!

“Nobody could get back in for four hours, everybody was queuing up outside, he came back and opened the door and said ‘that’ll teach ‘em won’t it?’” chuckled Geoff. “Ken went on to start his own successful taxi business, known as ‘Mac’s Taxis’, and then later alongside his dear wife Muriel and daughter Sandra ran the Hall Street Fish and Chip Shop in Colne.”

ARTHUR STOCKDALE – CRAFTSMAN

Arthur Stockdale was a sawyer in charge of cutting all the timber to whatever size the joiners wanted it to be. “He made the best mouldings in all the area. Beadings and mouldings which people wanted for their kitchens and bathrooms. I got this in 1970. Look how beautiful it is.”

RULING OUT IMPERIAL

“Measurements at work eventually went metric, these were the rulers I nicked. I was there for five years, measuring every day, we had to do it spot on. When metric measurements came in, we had to use metres instead of feet. It took me about a month to learn it. First day was horrendous then I got used to it. You can’t believe what a culture change the metric system was, everything changed overnight.”

KINDNESS AT CHRISTMAS

On 12th June 1972, Geoff set the record for the most invoices at Riddioughs in a day. “310 invoices in one day!” Geoff exclaimed. “6.30am till 7.45pm, I was shattered. I was chock-a-block, my dear wife was pregnant, and my daughter Janette was born. This is how great the joiners were, that Christmas it was a very hard year. Busiest Christmas ever, that year they reckoned they made most money in Riddiough’s history. Gwen in the office passed me an envelope,” smiled Geoff. “All the joiners had left me a tip, 47 pounds and 10 shillings. That was one of the best Christmases ever because I had a family of four, it was just magic.

At the end of the week the Major came to him and bellowed, “Geoffrey, you set a new record. I’m very proud of you.” He opened his wallet and gave Geoff 10 shillings…that’s 50 pence. Nevertheless, Geoff was so delighted with his record.

DAVID AND TWO BARRYS

“David Mcloughin and Barry Sheperd were a laugh a minute, both timber stackers, always cracking jokes. They had to lay out orders and I’d book them all out and the joiners or builders would come in and check it. After a fire at the timber yard, there was a lot of charred timber which they kept at the back. When a joiner wanted hardwood for a really posh job like a prime piece of mahogany which they’d charge the earth for, they’d get a really old battered burnt piece and lay it out for the customer. They used to wind everyone up. Everything they did was such a joy working with them.”

Then there was Barry Watson, a forklift truck driver. “He could lift a tonne of timber and park it on a sixpence, he had skills. Every time it was spot on, he was a wonderful chap. I mean they couldn’t do that nowadays; it was an art form,” remarks Geoff.

STAR FOOTBALLERS

“Not forgetting, star footballers, office manager Graham White and wagon driver Andy Webster; we never had a dull moment. Graham founded Colne Dynamoes in 1963 and they won loads, they went 25 years before it folded. Andy Webster found fame by being signed up by Bradford City, he was great.

Geoff returned to Milson Knitwear to earn more money for his family after his time at Riddiough’s but never forgot the employees around him who were mad as hatters. Over his momentous life, he has worked in over 40 jobs but did not find his niche until he worked for the Royal Mail…but that’s a story for next time…