I’m Dieting Again

By Gillian Herbert, Colne

I’ve looked in the wardrobe and what do I see?
Dresses and pants, but none will fit me.
So I’m going on a diet, it’s so hard to choose
Lettuce and cabbage, hey. I really can’t lose.

I look at my plate, the colours look fine
Red, yellow, green, they’re all mine.
I’ve been told I’ve got big bones and feet, you see
So how can a lettuce leaf go and fill me?

I go swimming and walking and out for a run
But I’m not going down, even my tum.
I’m mixing up flavours of milk by the score,
Chewing on bars, celery and a lot more.

My jaws are aching, I want to be thin
I’ve tried on my jeans, but still can’t get in.
So late at night, I’m full of despair
The fridge is so full, I want nothing there.

I found a chocolate, I know it’s a sin
Especially when it was in the children’s own tin.
I looked at the chocolate, looking at me
It went down so quickly, I couldn’t count three.

I’m off my diet, I’ll start again soon
Think I’ll try Monday… late afternoon.