5 Actionable Steps to Handle Divorce Emotions
by Northern Life
Divorce is arguably one of life’s most challenging transitions.
Being able to manage such an intense emotional experience is critical to navigating the process successfully. It involves grieving a significant life change while simultaneously making important financial and legal decisions.
While the process often feels overwhelming, focusing on actionable steps can help provide the grounding you need to move forward.
1. Acknowledge and validate the grieving process
Recognise that divorce represents the end of a partnership and a lifestyle too. It necessitates a whole grieving process, so you’ll likely experience all the classic stages of grief at this time.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance will come your way. These emotions will often surface cyclically and might appear out of order, so don’t try to rush your feelings or judge them too harshly.
Understand that any anger directed towards your ex is often misplaced pain, and profound sadness is a healthy response to this loss. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and let them unfold naturally.
2. Separate emotional decisions from financial ones
One of the most difficult emotional distractions during divorce is letting feelings of resentment, guilt or fear override your important legal and financial choices.
Always try to create a ‘cooling off’ period before responding to any legal communication. Never send an email when you’re angry – if you’re in doubt about how you feel, try writing a draft version first.
Always review settlement proposals through a logical lens first, ideally with the support of your solicitor or financial advisor. Try not to let any emotional reaction cloud your judgement.
3. Build a strong, non-judgemental support system
You need a reliable circle of people who can listen without trying to fix the situation, or even worse, fuelling conflict. Try to set boundaries with friends and family, making sure you only share what you’re comfortable with.
Many people find it helpful to designate certain friends and family members as ‘logistical’ contacts for childcare and help moving house, and others as ‘listening’ contacts for deep, emotional chats and venting.
Crucially, you should also consider professional support if you’re struggling. Talking to a therapist or consulting divorce lawyers to offer guidance could be one of the strongest decisions you’ll make. You need support that honours you without judgement.
4. Prioritise self-care and physical health
The stress of divorce is physically exhausting, and neglecting basic self-care can quickly exacerbate emotional distress. You might feel like you don’t have any time or money, but looking after yourself during a divorce is still imperative.
Commit to your non-negotiable routines as normal. This should include regular, basic exercise, along with getting enough sleep and maintaining a balanced diet. Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress hormones, such as cortisol, and help you regain a sense of stability.
5. Focus on the future
After divorce, many people feel lost because of their identity, which was once tied up in their role as a spouse, partner and perhaps parent too. But dwelling on the past only prolongs the emotional pain.
Instead, focus on building your post-divorce life and identity. Set small and achievable personal goals – maybe you could plan a solo trip or start a new hobby. It’s time to shift your mental focus from what you lost to what you can build now.
